So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
