I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize