After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
