Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
