It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
