I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize