I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
