I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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