I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
