Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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