The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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