Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
