I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize