It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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