FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Randomize
