Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
