he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Randomize
