well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
