Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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