fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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