Non-Jews are for practice
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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