I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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