can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Randomize
