Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
