I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
