Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
