I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
This is classic penis vs brain.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
