The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Randomize
