i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize