She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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