I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
