Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize