Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
