Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
did i just pee glitter
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
