is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
