ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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