Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
