She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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