today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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