I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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