see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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