We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
