Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
