I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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