So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Randomize
