I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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