Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
