you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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