Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
