so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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