She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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