I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
