Tell her she can't have a vagina
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize