don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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