my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
You have to summon your inner elephant
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
