I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
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