I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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