got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
