I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
