You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
