Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
