I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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