I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
