Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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