We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
