I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
