You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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