i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I can't turn off my feet"
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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